there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
