nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
