I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't