Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"