A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's get the cat blown out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.