its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????