I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.