They should really pass out barf bags in church
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.