dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?