11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN