Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love having hate sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him