Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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