i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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