God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ