90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in