is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.