So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.