you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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