After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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