got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
