Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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