We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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