I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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