shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize