Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.