fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wanna passion pit in your ass
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?