And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.