Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.