What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.