i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void