Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar