So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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