i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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