I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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