Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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