; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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