she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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