if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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