I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
