My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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