I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
