Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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