I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
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Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.