There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car