its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"