It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
