Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
