So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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