I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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