you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize