my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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