You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My bed smells like the plague
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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