I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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