and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
