I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
