I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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