i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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