if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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