we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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