You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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