i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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