We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
