Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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