I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
