He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail