Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.

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  (734): You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia. http://tfl.nu/z7s6
  Replies (15) Good night (1427) Bad night (1553)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.

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  (254): Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social. http://tfl.nu/292p
  Replies (5) Good night (2160) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

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  (702): That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked! http://tfl.nu/4dq3
  Replies (53) Good night (892) Bad night (5599)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed

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  (615): Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed http://tfl.nu/jhxa
  Replies (3) Good night (2764) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea

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  (636): Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea http://tfl.nu/qpng
  Replies (57) Good night (745) Bad night (10580)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.

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  (416): She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me. http://tfl.nu/1tg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1575) Bad night (5091)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

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  (508): Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit" http://tfl.nu/xujf
  Replies (8) Good night (4563) Bad night (1784)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.

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  (773): Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night. http://tfl.nu/pczq
  Replies (8) Good night (2322) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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  (773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14
  Replies (53) Good night (1379) Bad night (3914)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.

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  (847): The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome. http://tfl.nu/h8r4
  Replies (13) Good night (5137) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial

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  (412): No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial http://tfl.nu/kxls
  Replies (2) Good night (2732) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.

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  (585): Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent. http://tfl.nu/f2ox
  Replies (1) Good night (1030) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.

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  (843): As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed. http://tfl.nu/2ht0
  Replies (0) Good night (687) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.

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  (831): Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water. http://tfl.nu/ebf4
  Replies (0) Good night (443) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.

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  (636): Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe. http://tfl.nu/xi9w
  Replies (9) Good night (269) Bad night (913)

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