He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.