Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.

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(925): View more from California

This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?

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(714): View more from California

You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(508): View more from Massachusetts

I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.

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(310): View more from California

My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.

(1-310): View more from California

That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

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(207): View more from Maine

She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list

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