Texts From Last Night

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  (707): View more from California

  It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.

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  (707): It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling. http://tfl.nu/12gk
  Replies (9) Good night (640) Bad night (3737)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  saw you walking with that piece of shit

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  and that piece of shit just read that

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  (215): saw you walking with that piece of shit (267): and that piece of shit just read that http://tfl.nu/lre4
  Replies (24) Good night (1337) Bad night (5948)
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  (909): View more from California

  I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.

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  (909): I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird. http://tfl.nu/n96h
  Replies (31) Good night (1088) Bad night (3889)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card

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  (732): on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card http://tfl.nu/pv0m
  Replies (8) Good night (4256) Bad night (826)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.

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  (612): She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask. http://tfl.nu/em4a
  Replies (5) Good night (1529) Bad night (746)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?

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  (404): It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar? http://tfl.nu/lonp
  Replies (6) Good night (1392) Bad night (695)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.

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  (606): Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick. http://tfl.nu/0x12
  Replies (8) Good night (633) Bad night (2171)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?

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  (610): Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil? http://tfl.nu/j8sh
  Replies (5) Good night (1440) Bad night (560)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..

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  (850): when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys.. http://tfl.nu/5j7g
  Replies (26) Good night (1015) Bad night (2555)
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  (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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  (909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h
  Replies (7) Good night (389) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.

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  (914): After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture. http://tfl.nu/pufy
  Replies (6) Good night (1249) Bad night (929)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.

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  (905): And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high. http://tfl.nu/wkek
  Replies (6) Good night (1070) Bad night (472)
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  (805): View more from California

  There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.

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  (805): There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight. http://tfl.nu/4wk1
  Replies (6) Good night (472) Bad night (895)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.

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  (410): You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it. http://tfl.nu/i008
  Replies (6) Good night (1475) Bad night (339)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.

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  (720): His dick is so big it could be an arm rest. http://tfl.nu/aqho
  Replies (2) Good night (879) Bad night (232)

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