I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
