i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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