I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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