You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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